Self-awareness and self-love matter.
Who we are is how we lead.
-Brené Brown, in The Heart of Daring Leadership (podcast)
As I shared in #BIOBG no. 1, I’m teaching a course on leadership this spring, in which the dean of my school and I are focusing on the core skills of leadership to impart to our students—the future leaders of our profession.
The very first thing we covered, and which serves as a touchstone for all that follows: self-awareness. To be good leaders, we first must know ourselves. I understand this from my own experience and research on the subject and still am astounded by how each and every skill we teach comes back to self-awareness.
Brené Brown, who has conducted a decade of research on modern leaders, expands the requirement of self-awareness in leadership to include self-love: our ability to care for and fully accept ourselves, once we are able to see ourselves with as much clarity as human self-perception and understanding permit.
As well, it’s upon this foundation of self-awareness and self-love that we are able to adopt the courage to do the hard work of leading others. It’s courage, by the way, that the subjects of Brown’s leadership study identify unanimously as the single most important attribute of 21st-century leaders. (You can listen to Brown discuss the foundation of her research findings in this inaugural episode of her podcast Dare to Lead.)
In #BIOBG no. 2, I challenged you to start the practice of creating tiny habits of leadership, to innovate, to #makelawbetter. And in this #BIOBG no. 3, I challenge you to adopt a specific habit, or rather the twin habits identified by Brown: self-awareness, coupled with self-love.
Self-awareness isn’t hard, and yet it can be terribly difficult to achieve all at the same time. Organizational psychologist Tasha Eurich has studied thousands of leaders and found that fewer than 20% of us exhibit true self-awareness, even though more than 80% of us consider ourselves self-aware. (See Eurich’s book Insight for a deep dive into building self-awareness as a leader, and why it matters.)
Start by getting a read on your self-awareness baseline using this (free) assessment created by Eurich. As part of this process, you’ll also seek feedback from someone who knows you well, to add external validation to your measure of self-awareness. FYI, Eurich identifies two aspects of self-awareness: internal (how we see ourselves) and external (how others see us) and offers that it’s the combination of the two that offers the most insight.
Then, spend 17 minutes watching Eurich’s TEDx talk and learn more about one simple way to start building your self-awareness. [#TLDL (too long, didn’t listen): when introspecting to understand yourself, focus on what instead of why.] You can learn more about Eurich’s findings and methods for building self-awareness here.
As we work to become more self-aware, we’re faced with a stark reality: what do we think of the person we are? This is the hard work of self-love that Brown urges us to do: to accept ourselves, many (many) imperfections and all, and show ourselves as much love and grace and kindness as we show others.
When we develop the twin habits of self-awareness and self-love, we’re practicing the acceptance of our own human imperfections, and this forms the foundation for leading others. As I’m learning from the work of Frances Frei and Anne Morriss in their book Unleashed: The Unapologetic Leader’s Guide to Empowering Everyone Around You, the basis of empowerment leadership is formed by three concentric rings: trust, love, and belonging.
And, as leaders, we can’t ask it of others if we don’t offer it to ourselves, first.
Leader, know thyself. Love thyself.
Onward!
Cat
14 February 2021
c.moon@vanderbilt.edu | @inspiredcat
P.S. I think Mary Oliver nails what it means to lead with love: